Faintly the Light Flickers
by WhispersOfStarlight
Summary: "Your absence has gone through me like thread through a needle. Everything I do is stitched with its color." W.S. Merwin
1. Nalas

**A.N: This was written for the hobbit-kink meme on Lj. It had to do with miscarriage, so you have been forewarned that this story contains the description of a mpreg miscarriage. **

Bilbo wandered the great halls of Erebor in a daze. His mind was swirling with a mix of bitter and of sweet memories.

"So this is the hobbit?" A question followed by ice blue eyes tracing him head to hairy, hobbit feet seemingly appraising his worth.

That same voice once again directed at him, wraught with worry and anger, "He's been lost the moment he set foot outside his door, he doesn't belong here!"

"I have never been so wrong...in all my life. I am sorry I doubted you." Comforting words followed by warm arms encircling him, making his heart skip a beat.

Those same arms holding him, those same hands caressing him and igniting his flesh on fire with passion.

The voice that had once whispered in his ear of that same passion, that groaned of want, once again screamed in outrage at him. "You! You miserable hobbit! You undersized..burglar. I am betrayed! I will throw you to the rocks below!"

Bilbo sighed brokenly, swiping at the trail of fresh tears tracing his cheeks. He knew that taking the Arkenstone and giving it to Elfking Thranduil was risky, but he did it to save him, to save Thorin, to save all his dwarf friends. All it cost him was the one person he had come to care about more than life, even more than the Shire, as unbelievable as that sounds.

'Oh, if only Thorin would wake up, so I could explain, so I could tell him the real reason I did it.' He thought as he rubbed a hand over the small, soft extended curve of his belly.

A sharp, stabbing pain suddenly hit him hard in the abdomen causing him to bend over with a gasp.

His eyes widened in fear, "No, oh no. Please no."

Bilbo stumbled forward, catching himself on the cold stone wall with one hand and clutching the soft curve with the other, his body trembling as the pain continued to rack his body.

/ ~ / ~ / ~ /

Thorin groaned as consciousness came back to him. His eyes fluttered, opened and shut again at the bright light flooding them.

"Slowly, Thorin, son of Thrain, open your eyes slowly." A familiar voice to his right whispered.

The dwarf prince did as he was told and slowly opened his eyes to allow them to get used to the light.

"Gandalf. What happened? Fili, Kili?" He struggled to push his upper body up off the bed.

"The line of Durin stands unbroken, my friend. The battle has been won."

Thorin breathed an audible sigh of relief, but the tension was still set into his shoulders.

Gandalf just sat there and looked at him until finally he nodded and spoke, "Well, are you going to ask about our burglar?"

"Your burglar, not mine."

"Thorin Oakenshield! You barely survived that battle, with no 'thank yous' of any sort to one Bilbo Baggins, master burglar. Use that head of yours; Bilbo had the great sense to use his." He emphasized the statement with a gentle tap of his staff to Thorin's forehead.

"Think. Had Bilbo not take the Arkenstone to Elfking Thranduil, I fear both armies, comprising of your company, and of Dain's, would have been sorely outnumbered. He did it to save Erebor. To save you."

Thorin nodded in agreement, "I will admit that the goldlust had taken hold of me fiercely and I had uttered things I now regret. By Durin's beard, Gandalf, I threatened to throw him off the mountain! Not one day after we-"he abruptly closed his mouth and turned away from the wizard.

Gandalf smiled slyly. "Yes?"

Thorin did not speak, he could only look at the great tapestry covering the stone wall across from his bed.

The wizard stood, "So I have reason to believe that you return our burglar's feelings, Thorin, son of Thrain?"

"What of it?"

Gandalf shook his head, "What of it? Thorin, Bilbo has not been seen since the battle's end. I do not know where he is or even if he is still alive."

It was as if ice was flowing through his veins, the news chilled him so. He scrambled off the bed and with a groan, he pressed a hand to his side, his ribs screaming in protest at the sudden movement.

"Ho there, my friend! You must not move so quickly!"

Thorin growled through his gritted teeth, "I will move however quickly or slowly I want to, wizardfriend!"

He grabbed the tunic beside his bed and tossed it on as he pushed at the door leading out into the halls. Once he set sight on Balin and Dwalin, he yelled at them.

"Balin! Dwalin! Make haste!"

Balin spoke first, "What is it, my king?"

"The hobbit is missing! Gandalf has not seen him since the battle ended. Gather the other members of the company. Split into groups of two. Send out guards too, if need be. We will search the whole of Erebor for the halfling if we have too. Leave no hole or alcove untouched. Go!"

"My king, perhaps you should-"

"GO!" Thorin yelled. Blain and his brother needed no more incentive than that.

He turned and began to run down the hall, tossing words back over his shoulder, "You will search with me, wizard!"

The grey one nodded and took off at a run behind Thorin.

/ ~ / ~ / ~ /

As Bilbo stumbled blindly forward through the hall, until his stomach clenched painfully, like a knife twisting inside, and he could feel warmth spreading throughout his lower half.

"No! Nonono!" Bilbo screamed, clutching at his belly in pure agony.

"It's too early! It's too damned early!" But still the pain would not lessen and he could feel the warmth spreading down his legs. The dripping of the warm wetness sounded like thunder in his ears.

He slid to the floor, still clutching his stomach, a sob ripping from his throat as the wetness continued to fall.

"THORIN!"

/ ~ / ~ / ~ /

They had just came upon a hall hidden away from the main pathway when a tortured scream tore through the air.

"THORIN!"

The dwarf-king looked in shock to the wizard and before Gandalf could speak, he was off down the small passage.

The rest of the company was close behind, their paths bringing them to the same spot.

/ ~ / ~ / ~ /

The site that greated Thorin was heart-wrenching.

Blood.

All he could see was blood and Bilbo was sitting in the middle of it sobbing, pulling at his hair and mumbling.

Gandalf stopped close behind him and could only gasp in horror. "By the Valar...Bilbo! You've been wounded!"

"Bilbo?" Thorin spoke then.

Bilbo shook his head, sobbing even harder, clutching his stomach and rocking back and forth.

"No! Don't, just don't!"

Kili and Fili skidded to a stop as they entered the room, shocked to see Bilbo in the middle of all that blood.

"Halfling, what happened?" Thorin asked softly, taking another step closer.

"No! Please no!" Bilbo slapped the crimson-stained floor.

Thorin reached him and grabbed his shoulders, causing Bilbo to jerk and kick at him. He broke free and slumped back onto the floor in the middle of the blood.

Kili was the next to speak, "Bilbo!" He started forward but was stopped by his brother.

"No Kili, let Uncle handle this. Too many people crowding him will only cause him to injure himself further."

Kili nodded reluctantly, looking on in worry at the halfling.

The dwarf-king was shocked at Bilbo's actions. 'What could cause such a gentle and usually cheerful being to become like this.'

Again he tried to get closer to Bilbo, only to receive his answer when a strangled sob tore from the hobbit's throat.

"No! The baby! The baby! Please don't!"

Thorin stood stock still at those words. The feeling of loss cut through his body like a rusted blade and he blinked back tears.

'A baby? Our baby?'

Gandalf gasped the loudest, shaking his head in sorrow as tears formed in his eyes.

He handed the torch he held to Fili, "Keep the light close by. Kili, go back and get Ori and Balin. They are skilled healers, they will be able to help. Be mindful of what details you tell them. Go."

Kili turned with a sob and ran as fast as he could to the others.

Fili covered his face with his free hand and choked back his cries. He had to be strong for his uncle, and for Bilbo. He had to be strong for the both of them. He kept repeating that over and over in his head, even as the tears trailed down his cheeks.

Thorin moved closer to Bilbo, and when he did not jerk away from him, he gently touched his shoulder, "Bilbo, look at me."

The hobbit shook his head and kept turned away from him.

"Bilbo, look at me."

Bilbo stilled and slowly looked up, tears and blood staining his face. Thorin softly traced his features with his fingers, gently petting his cheeks, and wiping the tears away.

"T-Thorin. I-i'm so, so so-sorry. Th-the ba-baby. I-I tried to te-tell you, but the battle...I-I was hit in the st-stomach, but I-I didn't feel any dif-different, so I-I-"

"Hush, halfling. Do not apologize. It is not your fault and do not for one minute think it is."

Bilbo let out a quiet whine, "But t-the b-baby?"

Thorin leaned his head forward to touch foreheads with the hobbit. "The brief flicker of life that we created...that you held within you; that flicker will become the brightest diamond to shine in all the history of the Halls of Aule."

With those words, Bilbo fell into Thorin's chest and their arms wrapped around each other.

None of the company disturbed them as they both wept openly for the little one lost.

The little life that had brought them together once again.


	2. Keshan

**A.N: Okay this has been requested quite a few times, so here it is the second part to 'Faintly The Light Flickers' I hope you enjoy it.**

**For the first half of this I listened to 'Soul Battles' by Ryan Taubert music and for the second half I listened to Celtic Music - A Story to Unfold by BrunuhVille.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**_'Each new life, no matter how brief, forever changes the world.' _**

/ ~ / ~ / ~ /

As Thorin entered their rooms, his eyes scanned for Bilbo, and when he did not find him, he turned to leave.

That was when a red bound book on his writing desk caught his attention instead.

Curiousity struck him and he swiftly strode to it. Picking it up, he flipped through the first few pages and that's when two pictures slid out of the pages and floated softly to the wooden desk.

It was a special drawing that Ori had done for them.

Thorin smiled softly down at the pictures and then looked up at the calendar adorning the wall above the desk and nodded, his smile slipping from his face.

It was time.

He picked up the pictures and gently tucked them into the pocket of his tunic, before turning to make his way to the doorway, where he grabbed two cloaks; one dark and lined with a thick fur collar of white, the other a deep green also adorned with a fur collar, but brown in color.

Before he exited the rooms, he grabbed a small wooden box as well, tucking it under his arm.

He turned his head back at the rooms and nodding sharply once, he closed the door behind him.

As he strode down the hallway, dwarfs stepped out of his way, their tongues falling silent at the sight of their king.

They watched on in a solemn silence as he walked out of view.

It was same in the whole of Erebor, even the deep darkness of the mines were silent on this day and the forges were cold and dark.

Thorin made no move to acknowledge anyone as he walked the halls. It wasn't until he reached the Great Gates that he noticed anyone, only sending a nod to his advisor Balin and his brother Dwalin.

"Is he?"

Balin nodded, "He is."

"Aye. He's been there fer the last three hours. Bofur is there with 'em, keepin' 'em company." Dwalin confirmed.

Thorin shook his head.

Thorin strode out the gates and down the bridge, turning to the left and descending down smooth stone steps, followed closely behind by the two, until he finally reached an unblemished wall of pure marble. It stretched far above his head for 4 more feet and was the length of 2 houses placed side by side, but had no roof to it.

He laid a hand upon the cool stone and gave a quick sigh that sounded more a hiss.

He turns to face the two behind him, and speaks in a low voice.

"No one else is to enter after Bofur exits. Not until Bilbo says they can."

The two brothers nod at his orders.

He hands the green cloak and the box to Balin to hold, before pulling a chain from under his tunic and unhooks it, letting the heavy key fall to his hand, and takes the items back from Balin.

He slides the key into the lock that he had placed himself and turns it to the right, three times.

A grinding noise fills the air and a thin sliver of light slowly widens to reveal an archway.

He walked slowly inside, breathing in the heavily floral scented air.

He stopped when he notcied Bofur walking towards him, a slight frown on his face.

Thorin started, "Bofur, is he alright?"

"Aye, he's alright, just asked me ta give him a moment alone before ya got there."

Thorin did not speak any more, he only placed a hand on his shoulder and shook it lightly.

Bofur nodded and then left through the archway. It was a few moments later that it closed with a faint grinding and scraping sound.

All around Thorin lay a lush garden as bright and green as a emerald. A garden that he himself had come to learn a great deal from in the past year and half.

It was resplendent with color. Alabaster white roses mixed with ones of ruby red, then violets that invoked the image of tiny amethysts were dotted among bright yellow daffodils and tall tulips.

Everywhere he looked as he walked he could see another flower in yet another color.

This was Bilbo's masterpiece.

All for one purpose, he thought as he ducked under the bough of a bright pink dogwood tree, to finally come upon a open area of verdent green grass.

There in the middle of the small field, sat Bilbo, and right next to him was a small 4 foot by 4 foot square lined with smooth alabaster stones, wildflowers of all colors surrounding a diagonally cut marble block inlaid with Mithril and encrusted with diamonds.

He could hear Bilbo softly murmuring to himself and quietly walked up behind him. He stood there for a few moments, just waiting.

He didn't have to wait long when Bilbo spoke."It's been exactly one year since that day."

Thorin nodded, "I know."

"Sometimes I wish things had went differently, that I hadn't have-"

The dwarf king quickly sets the box and the cloak to the gound, before moving in front of Bilbo, dropping to one knee as he placed one hand on the hobbit's shoulder and one against his cheek. "We cannot choose what events happen and which ones do not. That is the way of Fate, Bilbo. If I was given the chance to remove Smaug's attack from my past, I would still have allowed it to happen."

Bilbo's eyes widened and he spluttered in shock, "B-but, Thorin-"

He stopped when a thumb ghosted over his lips in a circular motion, sending a shiver of pleasure through his body.

Rich chocolate brown eyes lock with ice blue and Thorin smiles at him, brushing his hand up to thread his fingers through honey-colored curls.

"Don't you understand, if Smaug had never attacked Erebor,

Gandalf would never have come to me with the very map that led me to you. I would've never met you and-"

"Hush now. You made your po-ohh!"

Bilbo bent forward, grabbing his stomach, and letting a small groan slip from his lips.

Thorin jerked forward, but was stopped by Bilbo raising a hand at him.

The dwarf king was worried, "Are you alright, Bilbo?"

Bilbo waved a hand at him, "Quite alright. Just a slight pain is all. It is to be expected, after all."

Thorin nodded sharply, "Yes, but the risk of another loss is frightening."

"Yes I know, husband. It frightens me too." Bilbo replied softly.

Thorin leaned forward, threading his hands through Bilbo's soft curls and kissed him, his lips tracing the pattern his thumb made not but a few moments earlier.

Bilbo moaned into his mouth, causing Thorin to groan and tighten his grip in his hair.

After a few moments, Thorin pulled away and rested his forehead against Bilbo's.

"It is nearly time, my dearheart. Soon everyone will see our monument and they will always remember. They will share our pain and help us to lessen it in time."

"Well, then, I guess we should go. We are the guests of honor."

The King Under the Mountain shook his head as he stood and using both hands gently pulled Bilbo up standing.

He rubbed Bilbo's shoulders in comfort, "Are you sure you want to do this? In your condition?"

Bilbo nodded, "I want it to be today. It has to be today. It's been one year since we lost little Keshan."

Thorin nodded, looking down at the small highly decorated gravestone. They had lost their first child too soon to know if it was either a boy or a girl, so they had agreed on Nalas, which meant flicker in khuzdul. It was perfect for the little one, because the child had not been with them for long, but had touched them deeply. The loss had brought him and Bilbo together and healed any wounds between them and made them stronger for it.

He looked at Bilbo and knew deep down that they would continue to be strong, if not for themselves, for the new little life soon to greet the world.

He softly smiled, letting a hand gently caress Bilbo stomach that was now round and swollen with their second child.

Just then inspiration struck him and he smiled wider. "Keshan!"

Bilbo tilted his head in confusion, "What? Keshan? What is that?"

Thorin dropped to one knee before Bilbo and gently placed a kiss to his swollen belly, drawing a laugh from him.

"I think, nay, I know we should name this one Keshan."

Bilbo chuckled, "Why Keshan?"

Thorin looked up and locked eyes with Bilbo. "It means 'flame' in my language. Flame can destroy, but it can bring new life as well.

It is a widely known symbol for rebirth and it is-"

"Perfect." Bilbo interrupted him, tears streaming down his face.

"Its absolutely perfect."


End file.
